“Old fat”-Since I can remember I have been overweight. I was a large baby, child, teenager, and adult. Like so many others, I believed that I was born fat, meant to be that way, and will always be fat. I remember the first time I was put on a diet, I was about 10 years old. Simple enough as it may have been, if the caretaker isn’t willing to assure the child isn’t overeating and eating the right foods, how successful will a 10-year-old be on a “diet”. That was sort of the beginning of my yo-yo dieting cycle.
Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to “waste” food. I was told I would have to eat all my food or suffer the consequences. I know some of you can relate to that sentiment, but these weren’t child-sized portions, it was adult-sized portions. To top it off, it was followed by dessert. So not only was I overeating, but I was eating junk and not to mention, sneaking whatever I could, as I learned how to use food as a coping mechanism. Years and years would go by, feelings of insecurity, abuse, believing I was ugly, unloved and unwanted, I would continue to eat the pain away, and eat to “finish” my plate, even though I was full.
It wasn’t until 2012, after being in a near-fatal car accident with my sister, did I have a WHY, the deciding factor, for me to finally lose the weight. As I lay on my sister’s couch immobile, I decided to look at my MRI image (Magnetic resonance imaging of organs and tissues). There it was, in plain black and white, what I really looked like. I was 283 lbs and I couldn’t believe this is how I looked. Yes, of course I see myself every day, but some things are just so daunting about an MRI. It was just an un sugar-coated reality for me. I wasn’t thick, chubby, big, plump, I was that MRI image. To make matters worse, I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and pre-diabetic about 8 months back. To be honest, there’s a possibility that I could’ve had diabetes, because after my Dr. told me I never went back, and I just got bigger. She also told me I have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). So not only am I morbidly obese, but this disease may make it even harder to lose weight and possibly have an effect on my fertility??? The MRI and diagnosis *was my why* to start my journey. That night after looking at my MRI image, I cried. I mean ugly cry, balled my eyes out to God and asked him for help. I just wanted to lose weight, something that was easy for me, something that I can do, because I hated living the way I was…..
